The Programmed Woman 

Being a Programmed Woman means that when I’m with you I forget who I really am.


I’m very perceptive and I can tell who you want me to be so I pretend to be that woman, the perfect woman for you. I don’t want to hurt you or be judged, rejected or shamed, so I keep quiet instead of speaking up when something isn’t right for me. If I do upset you I’m quick to apologise for myself. I want you to be happy with me.


Because I forget who I am when I’m with you, I defer my authority to you. I’m happy to do whatever you want, and blindly follow your lead. I want to please you and I want you to like me and approve of me at all costs.


Because I forget who I am when I’m with you, I’m not really sure what my boundaries are or what I want so I don’t ask, especially when it comes to sex. I pretend that I like what you’re doing to me. I want you to be happy so I put your pleasure first and act in ways that will make you want me. I give up on my own goals and dreams when they’re different from yours. I don’t complain or get angry, I just smile and giggle and let you do whatever you want because I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.


Because I forget who I am when I’m with you, I’m exhausted from living a life that’s not my own.

The truth is, we’re all programmed women.

Maybe in some ways and not others, and maybe at different times and in different situations, but that doesn’t change the fact. We’ve been conditioned and trained by our culture to be nice, good, quiet and small. And it runs deep.

For so long we’ve been told we need to be thinner, fitter, more successful, less successful, smarter, quieter, smoother, shinier, happier, kinder, sexier but not too sexy, less hairy, and magically stop ageing because being older is gross.


Enough is enough. It’s time to stop listening to what we’ve been told, and stop buying what we’ve been sold.

We can change this. We need to.

We have a responsibility to change it in the name of truth and freedom… for ourselves, our daughters, sisters, girls and women everywhere, and men too.

It’s time to claim who we were born to be. That’s the kind of power we get to define for ourselves, on our own terms.

Read more in my book "A Woman's Path to Power: Healing Self-Abandonment and Betrayal"